4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize