During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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