I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
