quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
