It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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