Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
