yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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