just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize