The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
