I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
