i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
