Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
