whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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