It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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