i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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