I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
