I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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