Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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