I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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