I got chris browned last night
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
