I wish i was in the wii world.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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