I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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