If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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