Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
