tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
