i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
