I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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