I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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