the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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