Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
