I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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