Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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