I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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