yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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