..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
