You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
