It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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