a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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