there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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