Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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