I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
