We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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