So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
