she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
