So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
