No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You may now shotgun with the bride
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
