Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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