Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
