Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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