Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
