Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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