You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
