Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
