If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
