I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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