If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
