i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
