man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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