this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
