I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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