I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Randomize
