we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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