College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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